Highlander rant
Let me get this off my chest,
Normally I would let the fact that they are remaking nearly every film of consequence, go straight over my head. Such petty trivialities are beneath my notice, they are akin to dogshit, momentarily disgusting and annoying, but all too soon they turn to dust and are blown away, never to trouble us again.
But like a club foot, every so often something comes along that I cannot ignore, I cannot be "the bigger man" and let it slide. I have a maxim I try to live by, It goes
"If you cannot fuck it, if you cannot eat it, if it does not help you get to heaven, then it does not fucking matter"
The opposite is also true about things that are annoying but ultimatly inconsequential. But what I found out today is the fuckin limit, it is so wrong it actually makes my shit itch. I am so bastard angry I could actually be nasty to lovely lorraine kelly, and that is a fuckin statement. In fact she is so lovely I would suck her farts out and i would put £10 on that they taste of peppermint.
THEY ARE GOING TO REMAKE HIGHLANDER.
How dare they! How fuckin dare they! I want to find every single bastard of them and dismember them limb by limb, knuckle by knuckle, vertabrae by cunting vertabrae. I want to tie them all down naked to a fire-ant nest, cover them in honey and show them pictures of their loved ones being sodomised by angry catholic priests.
Highlander is the best film ever, bar none. I appreciate other people have other opinions on the matter, but to be honest, they are talking and thinking bollocks and need to be re-educated. Until these people see the truth I will not enter a conversation on the matter.
But HOW FUCKIN DARE THEY!! I have not been this mortified, this angry since I found out that Miriam was a bloke
The whole idea of them remaking the film is fundementally wrong, its like kicking god in the balls, asking the pope to babysit, fancying Cilla Black. The world is (apparently) going to end on the 21st December 2012. I hope to fucks sake that this is before they release the remake. If this film is released it will destroy what little faith I have in the human species, we may as well all devolve back to apes, climb some trees, masterbate and then throw shit at each other, it will show that humanity has reached its apex, it pinicle, and it is all downhill from here.
Some things they should not touch or alter or remake, some of these are classic films. Great art works and masterpieces that will stand the test of time: "The Mona Lisa", Van gogh's "starry night" and David by Michelangelo Buonarroti. they will not think to remake or fuckin reimagine (what in the name of fuck does that even mean???) so why do they fuckin remake great films? Clash of the titans, Superman, Get Carter, The Wickerman, Planet of the apes, Shaft. The list is endless. A endless list of meaningless, inane, incompetant and damnable fuckwittery. Why o Why do they even bother? They should be forced to endure the same mental anguish that we suffer when watching these celleloid abortions. Its akin to haveing a favorite pet killed and then another one with the same name put in its place, but this new one humps your legs, shits in the fruitbowl and bites little kids. Just becausee its called Fido, just like your sadly deceased dog, DOES NOT MEAN IT IS FUCKIN FIDO!!.
The sheer affront of these so called moviemakers makes me want to commit terrible crimes. Highlander, of all things unholy, why are you fucking going to remake highlander? I beg you, I beseech you, please o please, do not touch Highlander!
I am sat here with tears running down my face, my kids are crying becasue Daddy is scaring them, there is an global environmental meltdown happening, Birds are falling dead from the skies and my piles are playing up. The world is going to shit and they are going to fuckin remake highlander. Don't they understand? Don't they fuckin get it? There can be only one!!
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